Today I will be discussing 5 things you can do to become assertive without being aggressive. I will go over each of these five things in detail and end with some final thoughts.

The idea behind this artificial came to me when  I noticed someone yelling and screaming at someone who had offended them with something they said.

 I thought to myself self that (this person could have handled the situation completely different.) If you are being brought to the point to yell and scream something is wrong inside you, whether that is, you are overwhelmed or just overly emotional, the problem is really with you more then the other person.

This made me think maybe if I pointed this to anyone willing to listen, that they could be assertive rather then aggressive that they would likely have a better and more effective outcome. Just maybe I would stop seeing so many scenes like this one.

I then wrote down 5 things that I do to be assertive without getting angry or being aggressive.

The first of these five things is to stay calm aka breath.

 Stay Clam:

I know how hard it can be in certain situations to even think to breathe or stay calm let alone actually do it, however, to take that breath could save you lots of time and heartache.  Staying calm and just allowing people to know what you think in the nicest possible way is key to really resolving issues without creating more.

 A really good technique to try is taking a deep breath in and pausing for a second or two before speaking. This will help you to remain calm and speak clearly in just about any situation.

It might also help to make sure that you take at least 15 to 20 minutes every day to rid your self of any of the negative that you might have faced throughout your day. This will keep your energy clear and more capable of handling these moments when they arrive.

Make The Choice To Stay Postive:

Most people do not even realize it is a choice to stay positive but yes if fact it is. You must make the conscious choice to stay positive and a part of that is to speak positively even when you might be frustrated or upset. “This is why you will hear people say thank you for that.” When others might get upset or angry at the same thing. 

Something that you could try is to smile before you speak. Smiling will help to relax you and this means you will be more likely to say things in a more positive way.

Another technique you can try, to help you remain positive throughout your day is affirmations. By repeating a mantra or affirmation in your mind throughout the day, it will help you to stay positive and focused in your moment thus less likely to react to any negative situation you may face.

 I have written an article on this subject if you would be interested in reading it How Do Postive Thinking Affect Us

Take The Problem Solving Approach:

When an argument ensues, most people simply react rather than response thus in most cases they make the problem worse rather than better.  However, if you approach a disagreement with a problem-solving attitude you will find several things will happen.

1. You will be more open to listening and thus pausing before you speak.
2. The situation that was once full of emotion will calm down and likely slow down.
3. You will respond rather than react.
4. You will resolve the problem rather than making it worse.
5. You will build a better relationship with that person or persons.

It is extremely helpful to face any disagreement with a problem resolving attitude and/or with open ears, an open mind, and a closed mouth until you know what the real problem is.

 Aim For Open And Honest Communication:

The biggest key to being assertive is to speak your mind without being offensive or vulgar toward the person you speaking with. Although this may be hard at times, remember you are trying to resolve the problem not make it worse or at least I hope you are.

A lot of people are misled to think that the only way to be assertive is to be passive and just agree with the other person. However that is not true and in the end, it will not resolve the problem at all. 

It is important that you speak your mind and let the other person know what you are thinking.

Just as you should be open to hearing what the other people think or feel about the situation they must also be open to hearing what you think and feel. Without a two way street, the problem really can’t be resolved.

Use I Statements:

If you have read any self-development books or seen a therapist you will know all about “I” statements but for those who have not. I statement are all about taking responsibility for your own emotions, thoughts, and feelings rather than placing blame which is what “you” statement are all about.

 ‘I’ statements are an important ingredient in solving any problem or issue. It also requires you to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings before speaking to others which allow you to be withdrawn from your emotions and thus more assertive.

Final Thoughts:

I know that it is likely a lot to remember if this is the first time you have ever heard any of this. However, to do these 5 things will allow you to face just about any situation with an approach that will not only resolve issues but also build your relationships with others and more importantly your confidence in your own ability to handle any situation you might face.  

Remember to take at least 15 minutes for yourself every day along with a smile and a positive affirmation or positive reinforcement of some kind and you can pretty much take on the whole world and be just fine at the end of the day.

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